Starting on my list...

So, I am on day 4 of being 30, and it still feels suspiciously like being 29. I'm working, changing diapers, fixing snacks, removing my wireless mouse from where it was helpfully placed for me in the dryer, and feeling tired- the usual stuff. My entertainment last night was folding laundry and watching the Biggest Loser finale. Apparently, no matter how excited you are about turning 30, no magic light from above shines down and anoints you to start living a more sophisticated or exciting life. You actually have to get off the couch and start taking action- even if you feel exhausted from your 7:00 am workout and watching Yo Gabba Gabba for the 10th time today sounds better than making any sort of physical movement whatsoever.

I know that I can't waste time getting started on my 30 in my 30s list because- as I said in my previous post- I know myself pretty well by now and I know that I am just the type of low-energy person who loses momentum quickly. My original list is on a piece of blue scrap paper and was jotted down in less than an hour's time. This week, I decided I needed to go over it again and refine some things. I want the items on there to be specific and not lame, like "Be healthy!" or "Exercise regularly." I want to pursue measurable results, such as "Run a 5k." And yes, that is a joke, because anyone who knows me knows that I would never put such a ridiculous thing on my list.

I figure if I do 3-4 things off the list each year, I'll accomplish all 30 things in the next decade. However, as I looked at the list, I realized that 6-7 items are cumulative and I'll have to work on them on a consistent basis. For example, Read 120 books. I know that doesn't sound like a lot for 10 years, but I'm making it a minimum goal because I think one book per month is reasonable. I try to do this, anyway. I have a lot less time for reading now that I have Bennett, but it is one thing I have been fiercely holding on to and making sure I do no matter what, even if it takes me a lot longer to get through a novel than it used to. I have moved my "books I want to read" list over to this blog if you are interested in looking at it (see tab at the top of the page).

Right now, I'm not in a book and not sure what my next one will be, but as I read, I'll track my progress here. I spent some time today researching e-readers and specifically, the Kindle v. the Nook. I was so anti-e-reader when they first started coming out. I'm a purist, I told myself. I love actual books and the way they look and feel. Literature belongs on actual pages that you can turn with your fingertips. And besides, I like getting my books from the library and only buying the ones I really love. But... then I started thinking about next month's trip to Cabo San Lucas and how nice it would be to take a 10-ounce Kindle rather than an extra suitcase full of all the books I'm hoping to lie on the beach and read. So...I'm considering it. I'll let you know what I decide. But no matter what, I don't want to live in a world without books on bookshelves. That would just be wrong.

The Big 3...0

Today, I turned 30. This is a day I've been thinking about and anticipating for a long time. I wondered how I would feel and if I would be upset at getting older and hitting this milestone birthday. I've been reflecting a lot on what this birthday means to me, where I've been, and where I'm going.

Typically, I hate my birthdays. And while I'm never going to be thrilled about getting older, I have to say that I'm feeling better about this one than my past few birthdays. Going through my late 20s gave me this sick feeling of "ugh, I'm getting older," but turning 30 feels like an accomplishment. I survived my 20s, and here I am. It feels like a badge of honor.

I'm ready to face the next decade of my life head-on. But before I do, I can't help but look back at the past 10 years. In my 20s, I:

• Had my heart broken
• Had my heart healed (both literally and figuratively)
• Watched in horror as my country was attacked by terrorists
• Completed a college degree
• Voted in 3 presidential elections 
• Fulfilled a childhood dream of working for a hockey team
• Met and married my husband
• Experienced my mom's diagnosis & battle with cancer
• Experienced my mother-in-law's diagnosis & battle with cancer
• Got my first writing job
• Watched my favorite baseball team win the World Series
• Had 3 surgeries on my uncooperative ovaries
• Went through fertility treatments
• Got pregnant & had my first baby
• Lost my grandmother
• Lost my grandma-in-law & my great-grandma-in-law
• Traveled to nine different countries
• Moved twice and built a house
• Welcomed my first niece
• Stood by both of my best friends as they got married
• Sold my first car
• Invested five years into LOST- and it better not disappoint me tonight

But, when I think about it, these are just things that happened. Simply listing them doesn't begin to describe the way they felt or the moments they contained- like driving away from my wedding in the pouring rain on a dark winter night, or watching the Cardinals win the World Series a few hours after burying my grandma, or signing the last mortgage paper on the hood of the car after the processor chased us into the parking lot.

Simply listing these things can't make another person understand how I've felt listening to Muslim prayers go out over loudspeakers during Ramadan in Istanbul, or smelling fresh ice on a hockey rink, or holding my daughter in my arms as she was taking the very first breaths of her life. It's all a part of me. It's all part of who I became while I was in my 20s, and who I am still becoming. 

Would I trade my 30-year-old body for my 20-year-old one? Oh, definitely. I would be a lot skinnier and my back wouldn't hurt as often. But I wouldn't trade the 30-year-old me for the 20-year-old me. In my 20s, I learned to be more confident, I gained wisdom and maturity, and I become more comfortable in my own skin. I experienced the highest highs and lowest lows of my life so far. I wish I could take what I've learned and transport it through time and give it to myself 10 years ago, but of course it doesn't work that way. It has to be earned the hard way. That's why I think turning 30 is something to feel good about. I've learned that life isn't easy, but I am truly, truly blessed.

When I look back at my 20s, I realize that almost all my regrets are for things I didn't do and hardly any are for things I did. This is a mistake I won't repeat in my 30s and part of the reason I made my list of 30 things I want to experience or accomplish in my 30s. I'm hoping this new blog will keep me accountable for working on that list and making the next 10 years the best decade ever.