I sewed!

I sewed poorly...but I sewed. The fact that I even found the time to sew anything at all is a huge triumph for me. I wanted to get the girls cute, personalized Christmas stockings, but the ones I was looking at on Etsy were going to cost $70-$80 and I just didn't feel like spending that much. Actually, I was going to spend that much, but I woke up at 4:30 am one morning, and I felt my neglected sewing machine calling to me from the corner of the room, "You should be ashamed of yourself....stockings can't be that hard to make....come on, you should do this yourself...you have no reason to buy stockings when I'm sitting here not being used...." Strangely, my sewing machine/conscience's voice sounds exactly like my cousin Becky's voice.

So I did it. Courtney accompanied me to Jo Ann when she was out for a weekend visit and helped me pick out material. I chose flannel for the stockings and minky for the cuffs. Then, I printed a pattern from the Internet and perused a couple of tutorials. Here's the finished result:

They look fine to the uncritical eye, but I made a few mistakes and I couldn't quite get the heel rounded out enough on Blake's. I did cut notches on the inside seam to try to round it out better, but it just didn't quite work for some reason. I also messed up sewing the cuff onto Blake's and got the seam out the outside- twice. The second time I was just sick of it, so I just left it that way! And told myself, I'll make better ones next year- these are just the practice ones. :) I didn't feel they were embroidery-worthy so I just made handwritten name tags for them (I can't get these pictures to upload straight on here).

So, we'll see if I actually redo these for next year, but at least I busted out the sewing machine and got a little practice. And, as you can see, they served their purpose just fine. :)

Something old, something new...Bennett's big girl room

Well, this post has certainly been a long time coming. I think I've had a vision for Bennett's big-girl room from the time she was born, or maybe even before. We certainly never thought we'd have two kids in our current house, so when we found out Blake was on the way, we knew we'd have to make the guest room into Bennett's room and she would just have to share it when we had company. (And I think we've had company at least 5 times so far...depending on who it is, Bennett sleeps in our room or forces the guest to let her cuddle up- haha!).

I always wanted to give her a vintage-looking room. I'm just not into the matchy-matchy themed things you can get (although that would certainly have made it a lot easier!). My inspiration was thinking about things my grandmothers might have had in their rooms growing up- a wrought-iron bed, needlework art, glass lamps, etc. We started actually working on the room in June, and it is just now to the point where I feel like it's finished enough to show pictures! So, here's a tour:

The right side of the room. The bookshelf is new (from IKEA). It had an ugly, greyish cardboard backing to it, so I chose an old-fashioned looking fabric with tiny roses and we glued it on that backing with spray adhesive. It was dumb to choose something with stripes (because it was impossible to get it exactly straight), but you really can't tell unless you're studying it closely. The big chair belonged to Ben's grandparents and I have to say, even though it might not exactly match the decor, it is awesome to have a full-sized, rocking recliner in her room to use as a reading chair. Here are some closer photos of the bookshelf:

The lamp was mine growing up (I think it belonged to my aunt), the tea cup was my great-aunt's, the little girl figurine was mine and came from the jewelry store where my grandma used to work (Hudson's for anyone from Alton reading this), the little jewelry holder next to it (you can't really see it) was made by my grandmother (she made them as favors for my mom's wedding shower), the glass box held the rings at my wedding, the photos are of my grandparents, the flower art was my great-grandmother's, the teapot was my grandmother's, the beaded lamp was a centerpiece at my wedding, the girl in the yellow dress is actually an old Avon perfume bottle my grandmother had that I loved as a little girl, and the piggy bank is actually new and belongs to Bennett!

All her favorite books she can keep in her room now. The flowers in the basket are my wedding bouquet and the adorable pillow underneath was made by my talented cousin.

This shelf I got for $1.99 at Goodwill and painted white. The books belonged to me (Mr. Flopears and Dumbo), my brother (Scuffy the Tugboat), and my dad (Pete the Tramp and The Flying Sandbox). The Raggedy Ann doll was a gift from my dad to my mom while they were dating. Not sure what will wind up on the hooks but we have snowflakes and old-fashioned Christmas ornaments for now.

The nightstand was mine growing up (I think my mom got it at a garage sale). The milk-glass lamp was also mine growing up and I'm not sure where my mom got it, but it's old. The "Now I lay me..." cross-stitch was in both my brother's and my nurseries when we were babies.

The bed is actually fairly new (also from IKEA). I had a really old Jennie Lynn bed that I grew up on but it was only for a double mattress and we put the queen in this room when we got a king for our room. It is pretty funny having a 2-year-old sleep in a queen bed. We had to buy her a step-stool to get up in it and sometimes when I go check on her, I can barely find her in the midst of all the pillows, blankets, and stuffed animals. The old window came from a building salvage place around here (only like $10!) and we were going to paint on it, but let's face it, I'm not that talented and I don't have the time, so Ben took over the project and ordered vinyl letters from Etsy. I think it turned out pretty cute! I felt a patchwork quilt was a must (I would really like to find an old-fashioned looking chenille coverlet, too, but haven't found anything I like yet), and this one was a gift from my aunt. It isn't easy finding little-girlish bedding for a queen-sized bed, but my mom had a few sets of sheets she passed down to me that look nice. And my parents don't skimp on thread count so Bennett is living in luxury and has way nicer sheets than Ben and I do.

The lace curtains were in my room in high school (and we also used them on the altar at Courtney's wedding :) and all the vintage plates I "borrowed" from my mom's house. She told me where they all came from but I was really pregnant at the time and I can't remember a thing she said. I do know that at least one of them belonged to my great-grandmother.

The needlework art by the closet was done by my great-aunt:

I loved the thought of Bennett having her own Christmas tree in her room. This one belongs to my grandma...I just love these vintage-looking ceramic trees and they make great nightlights:

I think this just about concludes our tour! I still have one blank wall (to the left of the bed) that I'm not quite sure what to do with...suggestions are welcome! I love this room and it is just what I had in mind for Bennett- and who knows, if we continue living in this house, it may be enjoyed by both our little B girls!

'Tis the season...

You might say I've been remiss in my blogging lately, and in my list-accomplishing, and in my changing out of sweatpants, etc., etc., etc. The truth is that having two kids is really kicking my butt, and I haven't even gone back to work yet. I worked so hard to have these few months off with my kids, and one of the things I desired most was to be able to relax and truly enjoy the holidays. I'm really trying, but life right now seems to be one big lesson in reality vs. expectations. What I pictured was a clean house, a freezer full of meals I'd have all fall to stock up on, a family day getting and decorating the Christmas tree, Bennett falling asleep to a CD of Christmas music each night with visions of sugar plums dancing in her head, matching pajamas and stockings for the girls, etc. Reality, however, is that my house is a constant mess (sometimes I think I would give my left arm to have a toy room or a craft room or just another ROOM for all this stuff), Bennett has a double ear infection and strep throat and will currently eat only popsicles, she finds the Disney Christmas CD to be "scary," we have so little time in the evening that we've been trying for 5 days and have only accomplished getting the tree and putting lights on it (who needs ornaments?), no children's clothing manufacturer seems to make matching PJs for a 3-month-old and a 3-year-old for a reasonable sum, and my homemade stockings are looking a little janky (but that's another blog post).

One thing I really wanted to do this year was to create an advent calendar for Bennett. There are so many cute ones available that look like trains or gingerbread houses, but I really have no place to put one and I really have no place to store one. Plus, if you know my daughter you know she would clean that thing out the first day and demand a refill. So I settled on using our banister to create one. I just wish I had a better camera to show pictures of it. I just strung a wired ribbon around the banister and attached with ribbon 24 circles I cut out of Christmas-themed scrapbook paper and punched holes through. On the front of each circle I wrote the number for the date and on the back I wrote the surprise or activity for the day. You know, like "pick up all your toys," "get a flu shot," "give mommy a back rub," etc. All right, I'm not that horrible of a parent. There are fun things on there like going to the indoor water park for her birthday and I also have several Christmas books I ordered through her preschool and Scholastic Book Club (so cheap!) that I am excited to give her. Now if we could only get around to decorating that tree...

Blake Anna

She's here! And I knew she would be a girl. :) Blake Anna arrived at 10:29 am on Wednesday, August 31. She weighed 9 pounds (hmmmm, no wonder I was so uncomfortable the last couple months of this pregnancy) and was 20.5 inches long. She is just perfect. So cute, chubby, sweet, and cuddly.

My labor and delivery went pretty well. My water broke at home at about 3:00 am. As weird as it sounds, that is an experience I always wondered about and kind of wanted to have. You really can hear a "pop" and then the deluge begins! What a crazy feeling! After driving through the middle of a police chase, we made it downtown to the hospital about 4:00 am. I labored hard for about 2-3 hours while waiting- very, very impatiently- for my epidural. It was smooth sailing after that. My doctor arrived about 10:20, and a few pushes later, she was out! I expected her to look just like Bennett- she doesn't. The first thing I noticed was that she was a lot bigger!

They didn't take her away from me for over an hour, so we didn't know how much she weighed at first. Ben went with her up to the nursery for her bath and tests, and he texted me her weight and length. I just had to laugh. Big "sistie" Bennett was really hoping for a girl. She was so excited to meet her and has been wonderful with her so far.

Everything is going well at home, but those late-night feedings sure leave me exhausted. Ben has been off work, so I've had plenty of time to catch up on sleep during the day, but I have no idea what I'll do when he goes back to work later this week! It should be interesting. I'm more grateful than ever to have the rest of this year off work to make this adjustment. I'm so thankful for my awesome husband and both of our healthy, beautiful girls. I am so blessed!

Halfway house

I know how much my friends love people's pregnancy countdowns, so I thought I'd mention that it's 34 days until my due date. :) It seems that being pregnant is my biggest motivation in life to get things done. I was the same way with my first pregnancy- I had a long "to-do" list and had every weekend planned out for all the projects that needed to be accomplished before the baby arrived. There was no way Bennett could be born before I completed such vital tasks as organizing all the kitchen cabinets, getting the carpets cleaned, getting that last layer of mulch on my roses before winter, etc.

I have had the same motivation during this pregnancy- only with a lot less energy, ability, and free time with which to address it. Hmmmm...who knew having a 2-year-old could make such a difference. With my mom's and Ben's help, the past month or so has been a flurry of cleaning closets and drawers, hanging shelves, making trips to Goodwill, and generally trying to get the house in order and make room for a fourth member of our family. We have made good progress, but there's still plenty to do- baby clothes to be washed, baby items to be purchased, a "big girl" room to finish decorating, etc.

There are a few items on the "to-do" list this time, though, that were definitely not there last time, and those are the ones that are really stretching me to my limits. There were four things that I wanted to accomplish with Bennett before the end of the summer:

• Get her to give up her "nuks." I can't believe I'm admitting that my two-and-a-half year old still has half a dozen pacifiers that she likes to carry around with her and take into her bed. I am currently watching her play with them and give them turns going down her plastic slide. Her doctor said to get rid of them at 12 months- clearly, this is why. She totally doesn't need them. They have just become like her other playthings and she likes to have them around. There has always been an excuse for not just throwing them all away, of course. And now here we are, a month away from having a baby who might actually need pacifiers, and big sister is still attached to hers. True confession: she just told me that when she goes to school, she is going to take them with her for show & tell. Is it too soon to have a conversation about being "that kid"?

• Get her to eat a better variety of foods. Bennett basically eats- fruit bars, yogurt, crackers, graham crackers, Cheerios or Chex, applesauce, toast, the occasional waffle with honey, the occasional french fry, pizza, and chicken nuggets. Oh, and most anything that is junk food, like cookies, ice cream, or pop. But she won't even try other foods, even normal kid foods like hot dogs or mac & cheese. I have not wanted to make mealtimes into battles. Her doctor has assured me that she is getting what she needs, she'll eat when she's hungry, I don't need to force her to eat things, etc. However, at this point, I think even she is getting tired of eating the same old things. I know she would like so many more things if she would only try them. A lot of the time, she isn't really interested in food at all. So, I usually just go to the stand-bys so she'll at least have something in her stomach. 

• Get her potty-trained. I started working on this in March, as soon as I stopped spending the majority of my days puking. It's probably the most frustrating thing I've ever done with the exception of breastfeeding. Two steps forward, one step back. Weeks of dry undies, then an accident two minutes after she just went. I've come to understand this is the nature of potty-training. At this point, she is dry all the time with the exception of naps and night-time, and the occasional accident. But, she is still terrified to poop on the potty, to the point where she will hold it for several days, creating a whole new set of problems. At this point, I don't even try to get her to go on the potty anymore. I'm 35 weeks pregnant, and I can't physically hold her on there. I consider it a success if she goes at all, so pull-ups it is for now. 

• Get her sleeping in her big-girl bed. Definitely been putting this off until the last minute. Bennett has always been such a good sleeper and is completely comfortable in her crib. She goes to bed with no fussing, and she has never once tried to climb out. If possible, I would keep her in her crib until high-school graduation. However, we are going to need that crib soon so we decided to bite the bullet this weekend and make the move. I can already tell this is going to be about as fun as potty-training. It's taking about 2 hours to get her settled down and sleeping (complete with fits and screaming) and her new wake-up time seems to be 6:30, instead of 8:30 or 9:00. She is getting 3-4 hours less sleep at night, and of course, so are we. 

All this to say that I've been thinking a lot lately about the word "halfway." I really hate it. I'm a list-oriented person (even though my right-brainedness means that this is multiple lists in multiple locations, many of which I've forgotten about or lost). But, I still love that feeling of crossing something off my list. Of being "done" with that task. Of saying "I accomplished that" and not having to think about it anymore. I don't like "halfway."

The more time I spend as a parent, the more I am learning that there are a lot of times I'm going to have to live with "halfway." Right now, Bennett is halfway potty-trained. She has a halfway-decent diet. She is sleeping about half the night in her new bed. I should be happy for any progress we've made, but instead I'm frustrated that I can't cross these items off my list. It leaves me feeling incomplete. It makes me feel like I'm failing.

Somehow, I've got to learn how to live with "halfway"- because I have a feeling we are going to be living in a "halfway house" for many years to come. Learning to tie shoes, to read, to ride a bike- none of things will be accomplished in a day. And, come to think of it, there are a lot of things I'm only halfway there on- and I'm 31, not 2. I'm hoping that just recognizing this will be the first step in figuring out how to embrace it. Cause I love my kids (even if I've only met one in person so far) and want to enjoy them at every stage.

Time to go have another contraction now. I'll sign off with a picture of my girl in her big-girl bed for the first night- Nuks and all.

39 days and counting...

I thought I should update since it has been a month since I've blogged...

• As much as I hate to admit it, my life is pretty much consumed these days by preparing for the upcoming birth of our second child...39 days 'til my due date!
• This pregnancy has been rough! Physically, I am so ready for it to be over, but in all other aspects I hope I make it the entire 40 weeks. I don't want him/her to come out before s/he's ready, and I definitely need all the time I can get to get things done before then, too!
• I'm still convinced it's a girl! Bennett thinks so, too. 
• I stopped weighing myself like 6 weeks ago when I reached the same exact weight I was when I had Bennett. I figure no good can come of checking the scale at this point! I'll just dwell on it/obsess over it. Even at the doctor's office, I look the other way and don't ask! I plan to weigh myself right before going to the hospital- I figure I'll have other things to worry about then and surely I'll lose at least a few pounds before I come home. ;)
• I've been having contractions for the past 3 weeks- they are getting more painful, but not longer or closer together. At this point, I've just gotten used to them! They started so much earlier this time around.
• I've done three rounds of antibiotics for an infection that could cause premature labor- and now that I've made it to 34 weeks, my doctor said we are past that worry. I'm so happy! I hate taking antibiotics. 
• Sometimes when I walk, I feel like my legs are wheels that are not properly attached to a car and are about to fall off. 
• It is so hot outside.
• Sometimes I feel like I am sucking air in through a straw or trying to breathe with a 50-lb. weight on my chest. 
• It takes me a few seconds when I wake up each morning to remember my physical state. Am I really this big? Am I really this uncomfortable? Yes! But, I'm also extremely excited and very grateful, so that gets me through. 
• I've been flipping through some old baby magazines I had when Bennett was first born- not a great idea. I am now convinced that I've forgotten everything and will have no idea how to take care of a newborn. 
• I can see the light at the end of the tunnel as far as finishing all my 2011 work. As long as the baby doesn't come early, I should be able to get it all done and have four months off. I am so excited!
• I have been slacking on reading. Still slogging my way through The Beautiful and Damned. 
• I did try one new recipe recently- Shredded Tex-Mex Salad with Creamy Lime Dressing. You can find the recipe here. It was an awful lot of work for something that was not even a main dish. And, adding so much olive oil to a lime-flavored dressing made it taste pretty weird. However, the seasoned black beans tasted great (I used Penzey's Salsa Salad Seasoning since I didn't have any sazon seasoning), and we loved the cornbread croutons. I would definitely make them again and use them on another salad! 

ETA picture of the salad- at least it looked pretty!

Pinteresting

So, I'm definitely becoming obsessed with Pinterest. I'm a serial bookmarker, but when when my hard drive crashed in February, I lost everything, foolishly thinking all my Google Chrome bookmarks would be saved under my Google account. Wrong. I was so sad. Pinterest is the perfect way to organize my bookmarks and keep them online where, hopefully, I'll never lose them.

I've been going through some of my bookmarks and transferring them over to Pinterest, and I came across this delicious recipe I made in March and forgot to blog about. I made these cupcakes for my dad's 60th birthday since he is an Elvis lover. They were so good, especially the peanut butter frosting. I would call them more like muffins than cupcakes, and they're really rich so you can't eat a lot in one sitting, but they are certainly worth the effort.

Find the recipe here!

Food Obsession: Breakfast for Dinner

Why is breakfast for dinner so good?

I could probably have breakfast for dinner at least once a week. I think I love it so much because we rarely take the time to make breakfast for breakfast, except occasionally on Saturdays or when we have out-of-town company. Today, I had chocolate pudding for breakfast followed by handful of sour cream & onion chips. That sounds even grosser when I admit it out loud. Don't worry, Bennett eats healthier- she had a Kashi fruit bar and strawberry yogurt. She tried a sour cream & onion chip, said "I like different chips," then put it back in the bag.

Anyway, one of my favorite breakfast-for-dinner combos is egg casserole and fresh fruit salad. I know there are a million egg/breakfast casserole recipes out there, but I am biased toward my parents', and I really think it's one of the best. Here's the recipe:

Egg Casserole

12-15 slices bread, torn up (I like using white bread)

8 eggs, mixed together 

2 cups milk

3 generous "squirts" of yellow mustard

1 lb. sausage, browned and drained

2 cups shredded cheddar cheese

Mix all the ingredients together and spread in a greased 9 x 13 pan. If the mixture seems too dry, you can always add a little more milk. Add more shredded cheese to the top (if you want), and bake at 350 for an hour or so until it starts to turn brown. I think it turns out better if you make it a day ahead and let it "soak" in the fridge overnight. 

I think this casserole tastes SO good with a fresh fruit salad- pineapple, grapes, strawberries, bananas, and oranges or apples. Yum! I try to keep a fresh fruit salad going in my fridge all summer long. 

Another breakfast-for-dinner favorite of mine is chocolate chip pancakes and scrambled eggs with ham- not like a slice of ham on the side, like thin deli ham mixed in with the eggs. So good! What do you like for breakfast-for-dinner?

Year One Wrap-Up

I suppose, since I've been 31 for nearly a month now, that it's time to look back and see how the first year of my 30s went. If I want to accomplish everything on my list, I have to mark off an average of three items per year. There were only two definites I accomplished this past year- starting a recycling program for our household and joining a church family. I suppose you could make that two-and-a-half if you count the five months I spent growing our second child during the year I was 30. I also made some progress on some ongoing list items, such as reading 120 books, trying 300 new recipes, completing 100 sewing projects, and reading through the Bible twice- but not as much progress as I wish I'd made.

List aside, the first year of my 30s was a pretty good year. I went through some difficult personal and family issues, but also had a lot of fun and really enjoyed life and watching my daughter grow. Some memorable things from this past year included:

• Getting my first e-reader- how did I ever live without it?
• Watching Bennett grow from a baby into a little girl
• Celebrating Ben's 30th birthday with a fun party and a fabulous trip to Cabo
• Praying my mother-in-law through a grueling stem cell transplant- and watching her triumph through it
• Changing everything I thought I knew about one of the closest people in my life
• A super fun cruise with my childhood best friend, Michelle
• Becoming involved in a church family that I absolutely love
• Getting in the best shape of my life (hmmm, seems like a distant memory now...)
• Celebrating my grandma's 90th birthday with a special luncheon for her and her friends
• Spending a week in Atlanta with my cousins- one of my favorite things to do
• Repainting and redecorating our kitchen
• Hosting the family for Thanksgiving
• Losing my grandpa
• Finding out we're expecting baby #2
• Surviving two months of hardcore morning sickness
• A trip to Siesta Key with some close girlfriends
• The daily realities of being a full-time mom while working while being pregnant while having a house to keep up...

There are certainly many days in this past year that I would never want to relive, but I am well aware of the grace that got me through them and I have no complaints about how the Lord has treated me and my family. We are very blessed. 

As I look forward to the next year, I am excited and apprehensive. I know that adding another baby to our family will create many adjustments and sleepless nights, but at the same time, I can't wait to meet him or her and for our family to be "complete." I am working hard to create some maternity leave for myself and to enjoy a few months off with my children. We have been at a crossroads in our family for a long time now, wondering what the next step is for our careers, housing, future schooling for our kids, etc., and I am hopeful that the Lord will show us some clear answers in this next year or so. Can't wait!

More books and food...

I just wanted to update with a couple new recipes and a new book review before I "reset" myself for a new year of blogging and list-attacking. This past month has been busy with travel and having company, but before all that started, we made a couple of really good new meals. The first was a crock-pot meal I found in Taste of Home for Slow-Cooked Carnitas:

• 1 boneless pork shoulder butt roast (3 to 4 pounds)- I actually wound up using a package of boneless ribs because I couldn't find a roast in the right size- the meat guy at the store told me it was the same cut of meat in different packaging
• 
  
• 3 garlic cloves, thinly sliced- I minced it with my new favorite kitchen tool, my Pampered Chef garlic press
• 2 teaspoons olive oil
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon pepper
• 1 bunch green onions, chopped
• 1-1/2 cups minced fresh cilantro
• 1 cup salsa
• 1/2 cup chicken broth
• 1/2 cup tequila or additional chicken broth
• 2 cans (4 ounces each) chopped green chilies
• 12 flour tortillas (8 inches), warmed
• Fresh cilantro leaves, chopped avocado and chopped tomatoes, optional
• 
  
• Cut roast in half; place in a 5-qt. slow cooker. Sprinkle with garlic, oil, salt and pepper. Add the onions, cilantro, salsa, broth, tequila and chilies. Cover and cook on low for 6-8 hours or until meat is tender.
• Remove meat; cool slightly. Shred with two forks and return to the slow cooker; heat through. Spoon about 2/3 cup meat mixture onto each tortilla; serve with toppings of your choice. Yield: 12 servings.

Here's a picture of my plate:

The recipe is really good but what makes the meal is definitely your toppings. We had sour cream, avocado, fresh tomatoes, fresh limes, cheese, lettuce, tortilla chips, etc. I will definitely be making this again!

Another delicious and EASY dinner we had recently was another Taste of Home idea. I don't know that it's really a recipe but the combination of flavors was so good.

California Chicken Wraps

• 1/3 cup prepared hummus
• 4 whole wheat tortillas (8 inches)
• 2 cups cubed cooked chicken breast- I marinated chicken breast in Greek vinaigrette and then Ben grilled it and we sliced it up
• 1/4 cup chopped roasted sweet red peppers- Instead of buying peppers, I bought a red pepper & cheese coulis spread- it was DELICIOUS!
• 1/4 cup crumbled feta cheese
• 1/4 cup thinly sliced fresh basil leaves
• 
  
• Spread hummus on tortillas; top with chicken, peppers, cheese and basil. Roll up. Yield: 4 servings. This made a really good meal with a side of olives and Sunchips. :)

My weekend trip to Florida with a couple of my best girl friends was the first time I'd really had a chance to travel with my Kindle. A great experience! The only downside is having to turn it off for take-off and landing- at least the flight attendants can't make you put down a regular book. :) For the trip, I had a great read- 31 Bond Street by Ellen Horan:

This novel is based on a true story of murder that occurred in New York City in the 1850s. As is so often the case with a really good historical novel, the setting itself is a central, fascinating character. I absolutely love New York City, so I really enjoy books that are set there, and I also like glimpses into what life was like there during different times in the past. I won't get into the whole murder mystery, but I like it when a book takes you almost all the way through and you still have doubts as to who the culprit really is. This particular work is also a very interesting look into how the legal system worked at this time in our country. A good read I definitely recommend!

They say it's my birthday...

It just seems like I need to post something since it's my birthday. I got back late last night from a girls' weekend in Florida, and Bennett & I have been doing absolutely nothing all day long. There is nothing I would rather do than spend my birthday hanging out with her!

My birthday really snuck up on me this year- 31 is just not the same as 30 :) I have been thinking a lot about the past year. There were a lot of ups and downs, but it was a good year. This year promises to be the same- a new baby on the way will certainly keep things interesting! It's hard to believe my 3rd trimester is almost here.

Even though traveling at 25 weeks pregnant was really tiring, I was grateful for a few days at the beach. Walking by the ocean or watching the sun set over the water just gives me such a peaceful feeling. I'm thankful for all my blessings and looking forward to another year with my family and friends!

Closing in on a year...

I was just sitting here thinking that almost the entire month of April has gone by and I have only posted once. Life has been so busy lately and May is going to be even busier. I can't believe the first year of my 30s will be over in less than a month. I've been thinking a lot lately about what I've accomplished so far and what kind of year it's been. I would definitely say it's been an eventful year, full of highs and lows. I've worked on several of my list items, but I know full well in the back of my mind that I have not tackled any of the really difficult ones, the scary ones, the ones I haven't even yet had the guts to share with anyone, let alone take on head-first.

I'd like to say that the second year of my 30s is going to focus on accomplishing some of these tough goals but realistically, that isn't going to happen. I'm having a baby in about 4 months, and there's going to be an adjustment period, and before I know it I'm going to be 32. I'm OK with this, though. There's nothing on my list that's more important to me than my kids, so they're always going to get the priority. I'm only planning on having two, and I know the next few years of their "littleness" will be tons of work for me and at the same time, will go by so fast. It's not that I won't have any time to work on personal goals, but I just know that time will be limited.

A little while back I posted about how working at home and being a full-time mom was really stressing me out. Things are still kind of frustrating (especially with potty training- any advice is welcomed) but I do have a wonderful friend who is now watching Bennett one morning a week, and I am so thankful! I have to admit that so far I have not even used any of this time to get work done. One week I went to the dentist and another week I spent the whole time straightening up my house for company coming over the weekend. But, it was so nice to have those few hours to myself to get some things done. That little break makes a big difference in my week, and it's great for Bennett to have a change of scenery and another kid to play with as well. So, thank you, "Miss Lela"!

I've also been working hard these past four months- and will be working hard the next four months- to finish all my work for 2011 by the end of August. The baby is due September 4, so s/he better not come early! :) I'm planning to take off September, October, November, and December just to be with my kids and get through the initial transition of 1 to 2. I'm really excited about this. It's a lot of extra work/stress right now, but I think it will be worth it!

In other news, I did try a new recipe recently for Orange Chicken Piccata. While it looked lovely...

...it tasted just OK. Not worth posting the recipe. The sauce was fine, but it turned out tough. Maybe it's the technique but I have yet to find a stove-top chicken recipe that satisfies. I am convinced that chicken is meant to be either baked, broiled or grilled.

I also finished another book- The Last Child by John Hart.

I would classify it as "pretty good but not stellar." I was convinced about halfway through the book that I had the plot twist totally figured out- it focuses on a boy searching for his missing twin sister and the detective who helps him- but I was pleasantly surprised to find out I was wrong. I like a book that can surprise you. However, one of my pet peeves is child characters who are ridiculously mature and insightful and speak in totally unrealistic, adult-like dialogue. I would say the author is guilty of that in this work. 

Back to my busy week! There is a royal wedding going on and it's not for William & Kate. :) Very excited for my friends Tim & Alisa this weekend! Too bad I didn't put "Be a pregnant matron of honor" on my list. :)

Back to the list...

So, if I want to try 300 new recipes during my 30s, I need to try 30 a year, and I'm not doing that great so far. I thought it would be a lot easier, but I guess I'm not as adventurous as I thought, or I just don't take the time. Or, I get pregnant and throw up for a few months and can't imagine eating anything but saltines, let alone trying something new. But even when I wasn't eating much, I was looking forward to enjoying food again and thinking of fun ways to find and try new recipes. I came up with a couple of ideas. The first came by looking at my baking/spices cabinet. This is what it currently looks like:

This picture doesn't do it justice, but it's a total mess. Everything is thrown in there, and it's impossible to find what I'm looking for when I need it. I knock at least four things out every time I look for something in there. It is in dire need of organization! I do have a lot of great stuff in there, though- thanks to my dad's influence and a wonderful spice store we have here in Columbus (Penzey's)- so I know there are limitless cooking ideas waiting for me in there if I just take the time to look. So, one of my goals is to get this cabinet organized and see how many recipe ideas I can come up with based on fun spices and things that I already have. 

My second idea came from looking at the family cookbook. My great-aunt put this cookbook together at least 25 years ago and it features recipes from almost everyone on my dad's mom's side of the family (she was one of 10 kids, so it's a big family). My grandma had a copy for me and saved it all those years to give to me at my wedding shower. I cherish it!

I recently realized that the only recipes I ever really use out of this book are the ones that come from my own little part of the family, specifically my parents. I thought it might be a fun idea to try to "cook my way" through it. I don't know if it will be possible to make every single recipe, though. One of my great-grandfather's calls for at least 30 hens. So that one's probably not going to happen. But a lot of them would probably be great to try, so I'm going to start on that, too.

I've also made a couple of new recipes out of Taste of Home. Ben got me a subscription for Christmas, and it is one of the best gifts ever! I have never made anything out of Taste of Home that wasn't good. Last week I tried this Mediterranean Shrimp Skillet which was labor-intensive but good- thankfully my brother was here to help me saute the shrimp- I always do it wrong and overcook them. I also made these baked tomatoes to accompany the dish- but I was not overly impressed. I love the idea of baked tomatoes, though, so if anyone has a recipe or suggestions, let me know. 

I'm also behind on reviewing books, but I have finished a couple lately. I have to say that I loved, loved, loved Half Broke Horses by Jeannette Walls.

I loved Walls's memoir The Glass Castle, so I was excited to read another one of her works. This is a "true-life" novel about her grandmother, Lily Casey Smith, who was born around the turn of the century and spent her life ranching, teaching, and raising a family. I love the voice she gave to her grandmother and how she clearly tried to stay 100% true to who her grandmother really was. The dialogue is realistic (something I really love in a book), and it draws you in from page 1- you're instantly transported into Lily's life and want to dive right in. My only complaint about the book is that it ends rather abruptly, and I would have liked a bit more closure on Lily's life. But all in all, I really enjoyed it and would highly recommend it! One of the best books I have read this year. 

WAHM bam

Just so that no one is fooled into thinking I'm sitting at home in a blissful state of contentment all the time, I thought I would also write about an area in which I'm struggling. This is also a post that has been brewing in my mind for a long, long time, and something that's a little hard to write about, since people tend to have strong feelings on the subject of moms and working.

I have always wanted to be a mom. And, I have always wanted to work. Well, maybe not so much work as write. And since I am a working writer, I always assumed these two would be one in the same. When I was pregnant with Bennett, I never considered quitting work to become a "full-time" mom. I knew it would be easy (or thought it would be, anyway) to work from home, and my employer agreed to let me, so there was the perfect solution- I could have it all.

Let me tell you how I feel after two years of "having it all."

Tired.

Stressed.

Anxious.

Emotionally drained.

And honestly, a little depressed.

I've been working really hard this whole time to figure out how I can "do this" and do it well, rather than just getting by. It isn't easy to compose 3,000 word narratives when you have a toddler who won't even let you go to the bathroom by yourself, let alone type a complete paragraph without interruption. Doing my work is a lot harder now, and frustrating at times, but I'm still satisfied that I'm doing a good job.

I am not satisfied, however, with the job I'm doing as a mom. Let me start by saying that I don't have a very laid-back child. She isn't bad at all, but she just wants attention and doesn't like playing by herself that much. It's like she really needs an older sibling but had the bad luck of being born first. I don't like the amount of TV she watches, but sometimes it's the only way I can get work done. It makes me feel so guilty when she wants something from me and I have to tell her to wait until I finish up what I'm working on. I definitely strive to make her my priority- when she needs a clean diaper, something to eat or drink, help with a toy, etc., I always drop what I'm working on right away. But I can't always just sit down and work puzzles with her or show her YouTube videos of people going down water slides in plastic chairs (don't ask why, she just loves it), and that makes me feel bad.

As she's gotten older, I've made it my goal to go out and do something "fun" a couple times a week, whether it's story time at the library, going to the park, or even just meeting Ben for lunch if I have a doctor's appointment or other errand. I'm quickly learning, though, that even getting out of the house for a couple of hours takes up the majority of the day when all is said and done. It adds up to me being behind on work and wondering when I'll find the time to get caught up.

So, to say the least, I don't feel like I "have it all." I have tried in vain to strike the best balance of everything, and I come up short, time and time again. I can't even seem to find the right balance of working and being a mom, let alone anything else, like keeping my house as clean as I'd like it (I feel like I'm constantly surrounded by a mess) or spending time with friends or finding time for any sort of hobbies like sewing or scrapbooking or gardening (lame hobbies, I know, but I like them- or I would like them if I had time).

I should probably mention that I do have a fantastic husband who helps out as much as he can. He is a very hands-on dad, and he has never been afraid of housework, cooking, or laundry, although I am fairly sure if I died the toilets might never get scrubbed again. He never puts pressure on me to be all things to all people at all times- I know that pressure comes from within, but I still can't seem to shake it. I feel like it's my responsibility not only to contribute financially with the money I make, but to contribute financially with the money I save by us not having to pay for child care. This means that I never pay for a babysitter and always rely on my parents- who live an hour away- to watch her when I need someone, which of course is less than ideal, logistically speaking. This means that Bennett and I spend all day, every day, together, with no breaks.

For months and months and months, I've been trying to change myself- to change my perspective, to change my schedule, to change my attitude, to pray for more wisdom, more patience, more strength, more contentment. This week I started trying to potty-train Bennett and I became overwhelmed- how can I research the organizational structure of businesses while simultaneously watching for the telltale signs of someone who needs to poop? How can I possibly potty-train while I'm working? Google that and you'll find a lot of advice on how to work with the babysitter or daycare center to get the job done. Then it kind of hit me...

I've set myself up to fail. My base assumption has been wrong from the outset...that I can do it all, and do it all well. Maybe it's time to realize that it just isn't working, and instead of torturing myself over what I can do to make it work, I need to change the set up entirely. Bennett is my priority, and I'm starting to understand that having a drained, stressed-out mom isn't what's best for her. (And yes, I know it's only going to get harder when the new baby arrives). I think this is where a lot of moms might say, "I'm quitting my job and we'll make financial sacrifices and cut coupons and we'll make it work." I don't think there is a right or wrong for a mom in my position, and every family has to do what's best for them. However, I'm not going to quit my job. I need to work, and I want to work. And Bennett probably needs a break from me as much as I need a break from her sometimes. So, I'm going to look into daycare or getting a babysitter one day a week, or even just one afternoon. I'm going to give myself a few hours during the week to work, to think, to breathe. I think a change in set up will do us all some good and make us all a little happier.

Now, I have to go, my boss is calling me. I'll let you guess which one!

Contentment

This post has been brewing in my mind for a long time. I've had a lot going on in my head and in my heart but sometimes it's hard to articulate those feelings. I feel like God has been teaching me a lot about contentment in these past few months. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I started looking at houses online. The truth is, we are just outgrowing our house, which is something I could never imagine happening. When we moved in almost six years ago, this place just seemed huge. I never imagined how much room a kid and all her related paraphernalia would take up. (I just had to spell check "paraphernalia," and no, I didn't spell it correctly on my own.) Now, with another kid on the way, I am stressing out, trying to figure out how we're all going to fit in here.

We need an extra bedroom.

We need a basement or some sort of storage area.

We need a play area that's separate from our living room. Our house is overrun with toys.

We need a yard that's bigger than a postage stamp.

We need to be in a better school district.

We need a quieter setting, without so many barking dogs, loud cars, and constant helicopter traffic overhead.

We need...We need...We need...and somewhere in the middle of these thoughts, I know that we really don't need any of those things. We already have so much more than 95 percent of the world. So many of the things I think are needs are really just wants. I'm kind of worn out on worrying about what we don't have when what we do have is so, so much. The truth is that the housing market here just isn't that great. It isn't the ideal time to sell, and from what I've found in our price range, there isn't much out there we're interested in buying. I just want to be content with what we have and where we are right now. So, I have prayed for contentment, and God has given it to me in abundance. Not just a sigh-of-acceptance kind of contentment, but a real, true contentment. It isn't ideal in the least, but I'm going to work hard to make the best use of the space we have and I'm actually looking forward to the challenge of doing so.

I know that we won't live in this house forever. And I also know that the next house is just the next step in life, and it all goes by so fast anyway. Too fast. It's hard to believe it was 7 years ago when we were living in our newlywed apartment with hand-me-down furniture. I actually miss those times, and I'm certain that someday I will miss these times as well. I don't want to rush through life, always reaching out and grabbing for the "next" thing. I think we forget too often that moving on to the next thing requires the current thing to be over- I can't wait for Bennett to be potty trained, but that also means she'll be older and might not want me to rock her to sleep at night. I can't wait until I can have some peace during the day to get work done, but that means she'll be going off to school and growing up. Today I put a pair of jeans on her and noticed they're getting a little small. I remember buying those jeans and thinking, "It will be forever until she grows into these." It goes by too, too fast. In the blink of an eye, we will be out of this house, and that much more of this short life will be gone forever.

This is not to say that I'm not keeping my eye out for potential new houses. As a matter of fact, we seriously looked at one a few weeks ago that was a complete steal (bank-owned) and could have been our dream house- with thousands of dollars and thousands of hours' worth of work, of course. However, someone else snatched it up before we could, and instead of feeling disappointed, the only thought that came to my head was, "I would live in a cardboard box as long as I could be with my family. We're all together, we're all healthy, and a house is just a house." I know it isn't my own positive thinking that made me feel that way, but the change the Lord has worked in my heart which I am so, so thankful for! Instead of fretting, I'm just content and really looking forward to what will come next in our lives- whenever and wherever that might be. I'm grateful that mapping that course is not a burden on our shoulders but has already been done for us. I don't want to miss out on right now because I'm so consumed with the future.

It's not list-related, but maybe this is one of the lessons I was meant to learn in my 30s. Probably would have helped to have learned it in my 20s, but better late than never. :)