A major list item...

When I made my 30 in my 30s list, one of the first things I wrote down was, "Have or adopt another child- or two." I am so excited that this will be happening this year. I found out on New Year's Eve that I'm pregnant, and the new little one should be here sometime around Labor Day. Even though I'm almost three months pregnant now, I think the reality is still sinking in. Like with Bennett, we had trouble getting pregnant on our own and went through fertility treatments. This time around, we used a milder drug with fewer side effects (thankfully!) and it worked on the very first try. I actually felt guilty about it being "too easy." My experience was that getting pregnant should be difficult, it should be physically and emotionally draining, it should be an all-around gut-wrenching experience. It may be hard to understand, but I didn't feel as if I had "earned it" this time. It almost didn't seem real that we could get pregnant so soon and with so little effort. We have been so blessed.

It has also been a different experience in that I have been so very sick. With Bennett, I felt queasy and tired, but that was the worst of it. This time, I have been sick every day, all day, and have been throwing up quite a bit. I'm not going to lie, it has been miserable so far. This might be my payback for being one of those women who just raves about how much she LOVES being pregnant. :) I am still hoping to be able to enjoy this pregnancy, though. I am hoping that when the first trimester is over, I will start feeling better again and get back into living instead of surviving day to day.

I'm really thrilled about having another child, and I know that Bennett is going to be a great big sister! This is totally a "bonus" for me. I never thought I would have her, and having her was a blessing beyond all my dreams. She totally fulfilled my longing to be a mom and erased the feeling that something was missing in my life. I could have been content with just having her. I wanted to have another baby, but I didn't feel the desperation I did the first time around. God taught me through that experience that He gives you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it. I wondered if we would have another child, or if we would be led to adopt, and how and when it would all pan out- but I never doubted that it would work out perfectly, just as it has. And I think I will make the first revision to my list by crossing out or two at the end of this one. I feel a perfect sense of wholeness in having one more child and can honestly say I don't ever want to get pregnant again. (Ask me again when I'm not puking, I guess). Of course, I always want to be open to another child in our home if that's what the Lord wants for us.

I'm looking forward to a quiet 2011 spent mostly at home (though there definitely has to be a short pre-baby trip for Ben & me in there somewhere!) working, blogging, and enjoying my growing family!