Halfway house

I know how much my friends love people's pregnancy countdowns, so I thought I'd mention that it's 34 days until my due date. :) It seems that being pregnant is my biggest motivation in life to get things done. I was the same way with my first pregnancy- I had a long "to-do" list and had every weekend planned out for all the projects that needed to be accomplished before the baby arrived. There was no way Bennett could be born before I completed such vital tasks as organizing all the kitchen cabinets, getting the carpets cleaned, getting that last layer of mulch on my roses before winter, etc.

I have had the same motivation during this pregnancy- only with a lot less energy, ability, and free time with which to address it. Hmmmm...who knew having a 2-year-old could make such a difference. With my mom's and Ben's help, the past month or so has been a flurry of cleaning closets and drawers, hanging shelves, making trips to Goodwill, and generally trying to get the house in order and make room for a fourth member of our family. We have made good progress, but there's still plenty to do- baby clothes to be washed, baby items to be purchased, a "big girl" room to finish decorating, etc.

There are a few items on the "to-do" list this time, though, that were definitely not there last time, and those are the ones that are really stretching me to my limits. There were four things that I wanted to accomplish with Bennett before the end of the summer:

• Get her to give up her "nuks." I can't believe I'm admitting that my two-and-a-half year old still has half a dozen pacifiers that she likes to carry around with her and take into her bed. I am currently watching her play with them and give them turns going down her plastic slide. Her doctor said to get rid of them at 12 months- clearly, this is why. She totally doesn't need them. They have just become like her other playthings and she likes to have them around. There has always been an excuse for not just throwing them all away, of course. And now here we are, a month away from having a baby who might actually need pacifiers, and big sister is still attached to hers. True confession: she just told me that when she goes to school, she is going to take them with her for show & tell. Is it too soon to have a conversation about being "that kid"?

• Get her to eat a better variety of foods. Bennett basically eats- fruit bars, yogurt, crackers, graham crackers, Cheerios or Chex, applesauce, toast, the occasional waffle with honey, the occasional french fry, pizza, and chicken nuggets. Oh, and most anything that is junk food, like cookies, ice cream, or pop. But she won't even try other foods, even normal kid foods like hot dogs or mac & cheese. I have not wanted to make mealtimes into battles. Her doctor has assured me that she is getting what she needs, she'll eat when she's hungry, I don't need to force her to eat things, etc. However, at this point, I think even she is getting tired of eating the same old things. I know she would like so many more things if she would only try them. A lot of the time, she isn't really interested in food at all. So, I usually just go to the stand-bys so she'll at least have something in her stomach. 

• Get her potty-trained. I started working on this in March, as soon as I stopped spending the majority of my days puking. It's probably the most frustrating thing I've ever done with the exception of breastfeeding. Two steps forward, one step back. Weeks of dry undies, then an accident two minutes after she just went. I've come to understand this is the nature of potty-training. At this point, she is dry all the time with the exception of naps and night-time, and the occasional accident. But, she is still terrified to poop on the potty, to the point where she will hold it for several days, creating a whole new set of problems. At this point, I don't even try to get her to go on the potty anymore. I'm 35 weeks pregnant, and I can't physically hold her on there. I consider it a success if she goes at all, so pull-ups it is for now. 

• Get her sleeping in her big-girl bed. Definitely been putting this off until the last minute. Bennett has always been such a good sleeper and is completely comfortable in her crib. She goes to bed with no fussing, and she has never once tried to climb out. If possible, I would keep her in her crib until high-school graduation. However, we are going to need that crib soon so we decided to bite the bullet this weekend and make the move. I can already tell this is going to be about as fun as potty-training. It's taking about 2 hours to get her settled down and sleeping (complete with fits and screaming) and her new wake-up time seems to be 6:30, instead of 8:30 or 9:00. She is getting 3-4 hours less sleep at night, and of course, so are we. 

All this to say that I've been thinking a lot lately about the word "halfway." I really hate it. I'm a list-oriented person (even though my right-brainedness means that this is multiple lists in multiple locations, many of which I've forgotten about or lost). But, I still love that feeling of crossing something off my list. Of being "done" with that task. Of saying "I accomplished that" and not having to think about it anymore. I don't like "halfway."

The more time I spend as a parent, the more I am learning that there are a lot of times I'm going to have to live with "halfway." Right now, Bennett is halfway potty-trained. She has a halfway-decent diet. She is sleeping about half the night in her new bed. I should be happy for any progress we've made, but instead I'm frustrated that I can't cross these items off my list. It leaves me feeling incomplete. It makes me feel like I'm failing.

Somehow, I've got to learn how to live with "halfway"- because I have a feeling we are going to be living in a "halfway house" for many years to come. Learning to tie shoes, to read, to ride a bike- none of things will be accomplished in a day. And, come to think of it, there are a lot of things I'm only halfway there on- and I'm 31, not 2. I'm hoping that just recognizing this will be the first step in figuring out how to embrace it. Cause I love my kids (even if I've only met one in person so far) and want to enjoy them at every stage.

Time to go have another contraction now. I'll sign off with a picture of my girl in her big-girl bed for the first night- Nuks and all.