A Separate Peace

I think it's been about a year since I blogged about being a work-at-home mom, how it was not turning out the way I thought it would, and how it was completely draining me and stressing me out. I felt so chained to my work throughout the day and felt like I was failing as a mom- all while pregnant and terrified about how I could possibly pull this off with another kid thrown in the mix. I vowed to find a way to let myself off the hook a little bit, to give Bennett and me an occasional break from one another, and to find a better way of getting everything accomplished.

A year certainly does make a difference! I have to admit I continued to run myself into the ground working until about a week before Blake was born- but all for the purpose of giving myself a four-month "maternity leave" which I greatly enjoyed and which (of course) went by like the blink of an eye. One thing I did accomplish during that four-month time period was getting Bennett into a two-day-a-week preschool program at a local church. She was more than ready for something like that, and it has been great for her. However, I didn't really do myself any favors as far as working, since the church is 15 miles away and I spend pretty much the whole day getting there, dropping her off and turning back around to pick her up again and get back home. We'll be finding something closer for next year.

Anyway, when January 1 rolled around, I found myself in tears at the prospect of having to dive back into my life as a work-at-home mom- not that I don't like or want to work, but I was just dreading that guilt of always being half-present, never feeling like we could go anywhere during the day, being in our pajamas at 2:00 pm with Bennett watching her third Caillou episode of the day, etc. I kind of knew what I had to do, even though I really didn't want to do it. I started working only at night and on the weekends.

I never wanted to do this because I considered it my only "down time." I felt like I would never get a break and would be basically working, in one form or another, from sun up until bedtime, and my life would totally suck. But, with two kids now (even with one of them being the world's easiest baby), I didn't see another way. And what I discovered was that I wish I would have done it a lot sooner. Separating work and motherhood this way has given me a relief and a peace that I wasn't sure was even possible. During the day, I can fully be "mom" without distraction. I don't rush through everything we do so that I can get back to work as quickly as possible. I enjoy shuttling Bennett to and from preschool and gymnastics, occasionally meeting friends for "playdates" (as much as I hate that word), getting stuff done around the house, and basically just spending more focused, quality time with my kids. And I've found that I can still get my work done by spending only 2-3 nights a week (usually just 2) working, as well as one block of time over the weekend, whether that's Saturday morning, Sunday afternoon, or whenever.

The crazy thing is that I don't really feel like I'm sacrificing that much "down time." To be honest, after a long day with the kids, I actually find that sitting down in a quiet room with my laptop and a snack or drink is somewhat relaxing. Ben takes the girls upstairs to play, get baths, and get to bed. And he doesn't mind a bit because A) he's an awesome husband and dad, and B) he hasn't been with them all day so he's kind of coming in fresh off the bench as far as the energy and patience for parenting is concerned. Most nights, we still have at least an hour or two to relax together and watch important television programming such as Teen Mom before we fall exhausted into bed.

My sweet mom also helps me out every other week, either by coming up here for a couple of days to help me out or by taking Bennett for a night or two to give me some extra time to work and some quiet time with Blake. I appreciate her so much!

So, although it's still not easy, I think I have finally found the balance I was so desperately seeking, and we have a workable plan for where we are in life right now. However, I can't lie- a lot of days, we are still in our pajamas at 2:00 pm!

Vintage Valentines

Happy Valentine's Day! This is not a holiday I care that much about, but every random holiday is made more fun with kids around, it seems. This was Bennett's first year giving/receiving preschool Valentines, which was fun once I convinced her that it was OK to distribute the ones she had chosen and she didn't need to keep them all for herself. She also had a lot of fun making Valentine cookies with our next-door neighbor Ella yesterday. The two of them broke open a bag of powdered sugar and had a "snow fight." She came home covered from head to toe in powdered sugar, and I think she must have inhaled some too, because she ran around in circles for several minutes, on a massive sugar high. Good times. Those two are definitely a recipe for trouble.

Earlier today I was remembering what I was doing a year ago today- I had one of my first ultrasounds to see Blake and I remember just praying that I could make it to the doctor's office and not have to pull over on the highway to throw up. I think I threw up six times during my ultrasound. And I doubt I will ever eat cinnamon toast again. Today I cleaned up possibly the biggest blow-out I have ever encountered as parent- at a restaurant- on a gross changing table- with very poor lighting- and I still think I had a much better Valentine's Day than I did last year! Thanks, Blake!

I had some fun decorating this year, too. My good friend Beca and I are currently obsessed with going to antique stores, and I found these vintage Valentines that I couldn't pass up. They're all signed on the back- some in pencil- and it just makes me wonder how old they actually are and whatever happened to the little kids who signed them all those years ago. I honestly think I could sit in an antique shop for hours and comb through old cards, postcards, and pictures. I'm trying not to be a hoarder and bring them all home, but some I just can't resist! Happy Valentine's Day!

Recipe Round-Up

I haven't posted any recipes for a while, but I have made several new things in the past few months. I put a new tab at the top of this page to keep all the recipes in one place, and for most, there is a link to the recipe if you want to try it. I will try to note as well which ones are decent or not! Here are a few quick notes on a dozen recipes I have tried recently:

1) Peanut Butter & Jelly Bars- I didn't have high expectations since I am the type of person who feels like a dessert is a waste if it doesn't have chocolate in it. But, these are really good. Totally worth the effort. A lot better cold than warm, though.

2) Panko-Crusted Fish Sticks with Herb Dipping Sauce- Actually, Ben made these. Good but nothing outstanding. Loved the dipping sauce, though.

3) Buckeye Bars- Very good! These are easy to make because you start with a brownie mix. Once again, much better room temperature or cold than warm.

4) Key Lime Coconut Snowballs- I attempted to make these as part of my Christmas baking. FAIL! They tasted good but had the consistency of raw cookie dough. Would not make again.

5) Reese's Stuffed Oreos- Yes, they are as good as they sound. I made them for Bennett's birthday and could.not.stop. eating them. Mine did not turn out as nice-looking as the picture on this blog, but let's be honest, who cares. I am drooling right now just thinking about them.

6) Apple Oatmeal Cookies- These were decent. Again, no chocolate. I left out the raisins.

7) Avocado Chicken Salad- I'm disappointed in you, Paula Deen. This recipe seemed so promising, but was just kind of blah. It didn't help that I couldn't find any good avocados at the time I made it. I would take plain ol' chicken salad any day over this.

8) Overnight Caramel French Toast- I made this for Courtney the weekend she came to visit. Total fail! It tasted fine but was so, so soggy. Maybe it would be better if you used a really thick bread. Would not make again.

9) Caramel Cereal Treats- Yes, I'm realizing there's a theme here, and it's that most of the new recipes I've tried have been unhealthy desserts. I'm breastfeeding, and I'm hungry all the time. Sue me. Courtney & I made these together and they turned out good. Again, not my favorite thing because of the overall lack of chocolate, but Ben took them to work and got good reviews. The recipe calls for Sugar Smacks cereal, which I could not find. Do they even make that anymore? I also had trouble getting the chocolate chips melted to the right consistency in the microwave. We kept adding something to them to make them more pourable, but I can't remember what. Butter or sweetened condensed milk, I think. Either way, super healthy.

10) Quinoa Salad- This was my first experience at cooking quinoa, and it went well. I really enjoyed this salad, because I love all the flavors that are in it- cilantro, lime, cumin, etc. And I love black beans. It was great with tortilla chips, therefore making it a lot less healthy. What can I say- it's my special gift.

11) Fluffy French Toast- Really good mix. We use this every time we make French toast now.

12) Pretzel Hugs- I wanted to make these because they were so simple and it was a project that Bennett could help with. If unwrapping about five Hershey's hugs in under three minutes and shoving them in your mouth is helpful, then she was a huge help. Unwrapping all the Hugs can be a pain, but it is worth the effort. These treats are the perfect combination of salty and sweet. I sped up the hardening process by popping them in the fridge- they are just too good to wait for!

I sewed!

I sewed poorly...but I sewed. The fact that I even found the time to sew anything at all is a huge triumph for me. I wanted to get the girls cute, personalized Christmas stockings, but the ones I was looking at on Etsy were going to cost $70-$80 and I just didn't feel like spending that much. Actually, I was going to spend that much, but I woke up at 4:30 am one morning, and I felt my neglected sewing machine calling to me from the corner of the room, "You should be ashamed of yourself....stockings can't be that hard to make....come on, you should do this yourself...you have no reason to buy stockings when I'm sitting here not being used...." Strangely, my sewing machine/conscience's voice sounds exactly like my cousin Becky's voice.

So I did it. Courtney accompanied me to Jo Ann when she was out for a weekend visit and helped me pick out material. I chose flannel for the stockings and minky for the cuffs. Then, I printed a pattern from the Internet and perused a couple of tutorials. Here's the finished result:

They look fine to the uncritical eye, but I made a few mistakes and I couldn't quite get the heel rounded out enough on Blake's. I did cut notches on the inside seam to try to round it out better, but it just didn't quite work for some reason. I also messed up sewing the cuff onto Blake's and got the seam out the outside- twice. The second time I was just sick of it, so I just left it that way! And told myself, I'll make better ones next year- these are just the practice ones. :) I didn't feel they were embroidery-worthy so I just made handwritten name tags for them (I can't get these pictures to upload straight on here).

So, we'll see if I actually redo these for next year, but at least I busted out the sewing machine and got a little practice. And, as you can see, they served their purpose just fine. :)

Something old, something new...Bennett's big girl room

Well, this post has certainly been a long time coming. I think I've had a vision for Bennett's big-girl room from the time she was born, or maybe even before. We certainly never thought we'd have two kids in our current house, so when we found out Blake was on the way, we knew we'd have to make the guest room into Bennett's room and she would just have to share it when we had company. (And I think we've had company at least 5 times so far...depending on who it is, Bennett sleeps in our room or forces the guest to let her cuddle up- haha!).

I always wanted to give her a vintage-looking room. I'm just not into the matchy-matchy themed things you can get (although that would certainly have made it a lot easier!). My inspiration was thinking about things my grandmothers might have had in their rooms growing up- a wrought-iron bed, needlework art, glass lamps, etc. We started actually working on the room in June, and it is just now to the point where I feel like it's finished enough to show pictures! So, here's a tour:

The right side of the room. The bookshelf is new (from IKEA). It had an ugly, greyish cardboard backing to it, so I chose an old-fashioned looking fabric with tiny roses and we glued it on that backing with spray adhesive. It was dumb to choose something with stripes (because it was impossible to get it exactly straight), but you really can't tell unless you're studying it closely. The big chair belonged to Ben's grandparents and I have to say, even though it might not exactly match the decor, it is awesome to have a full-sized, rocking recliner in her room to use as a reading chair. Here are some closer photos of the bookshelf:

The lamp was mine growing up (I think it belonged to my aunt), the tea cup was my great-aunt's, the little girl figurine was mine and came from the jewelry store where my grandma used to work (Hudson's for anyone from Alton reading this), the little jewelry holder next to it (you can't really see it) was made by my grandmother (she made them as favors for my mom's wedding shower), the glass box held the rings at my wedding, the photos are of my grandparents, the flower art was my great-grandmother's, the teapot was my grandmother's, the beaded lamp was a centerpiece at my wedding, the girl in the yellow dress is actually an old Avon perfume bottle my grandmother had that I loved as a little girl, and the piggy bank is actually new and belongs to Bennett!

All her favorite books she can keep in her room now. The flowers in the basket are my wedding bouquet and the adorable pillow underneath was made by my talented cousin.

This shelf I got for $1.99 at Goodwill and painted white. The books belonged to me (Mr. Flopears and Dumbo), my brother (Scuffy the Tugboat), and my dad (Pete the Tramp and The Flying Sandbox). The Raggedy Ann doll was a gift from my dad to my mom while they were dating. Not sure what will wind up on the hooks but we have snowflakes and old-fashioned Christmas ornaments for now.

The nightstand was mine growing up (I think my mom got it at a garage sale). The milk-glass lamp was also mine growing up and I'm not sure where my mom got it, but it's old. The "Now I lay me..." cross-stitch was in both my brother's and my nurseries when we were babies.

The bed is actually fairly new (also from IKEA). I had a really old Jennie Lynn bed that I grew up on but it was only for a double mattress and we put the queen in this room when we got a king for our room. It is pretty funny having a 2-year-old sleep in a queen bed. We had to buy her a step-stool to get up in it and sometimes when I go check on her, I can barely find her in the midst of all the pillows, blankets, and stuffed animals. The old window came from a building salvage place around here (only like $10!) and we were going to paint on it, but let's face it, I'm not that talented and I don't have the time, so Ben took over the project and ordered vinyl letters from Etsy. I think it turned out pretty cute! I felt a patchwork quilt was a must (I would really like to find an old-fashioned looking chenille coverlet, too, but haven't found anything I like yet), and this one was a gift from my aunt. It isn't easy finding little-girlish bedding for a queen-sized bed, but my mom had a few sets of sheets she passed down to me that look nice. And my parents don't skimp on thread count so Bennett is living in luxury and has way nicer sheets than Ben and I do.

The lace curtains were in my room in high school (and we also used them on the altar at Courtney's wedding :) and all the vintage plates I "borrowed" from my mom's house. She told me where they all came from but I was really pregnant at the time and I can't remember a thing she said. I do know that at least one of them belonged to my great-grandmother.

The needlework art by the closet was done by my great-aunt:

I loved the thought of Bennett having her own Christmas tree in her room. This one belongs to my grandma...I just love these vintage-looking ceramic trees and they make great nightlights:

I think this just about concludes our tour! I still have one blank wall (to the left of the bed) that I'm not quite sure what to do with...suggestions are welcome! I love this room and it is just what I had in mind for Bennett- and who knows, if we continue living in this house, it may be enjoyed by both our little B girls!